Why’s he always doing this to me. I always stop thinking each time he’s around me. It’s like my brain just stop working automatically. He loves me and I love him too. But then I remembered what he is. Gray kisses me. I didn’t kiss back at first. He wraps his hands around my waist and press me gently against the wall. I hopelessly wrap my arms around his neck and kiss back. Maybe I shouldn’t be kissing back right now.
I should be thinking about the mess he’s trying to get me involved with. And if I don’t back out now, then I can’t back out anytime soon. I stop kissing him. He stays still with his hands around my waist. I raise my hand and place my hand on his face. His eyes peel apart and they look into mine.
” We need to talk.” I say. He sighs and look at me for seconds before nodding.
He lets go of me and tuck his hands in his jacket.
” Ask whatever thing you wanna ask , I’ll tell the truth.”
I nod and cross my arms. Where am I supposed to start from. There are a lot of things in my mind right now.
” Why didn’t you tell me ? Why hide it ?”
He looks around the apartment and run his fingers through his hair.
” It’s not that easy.”
” And why’s that ?”
” Because I thought it wasn’t the right time. I can’t just tell you I run a Mafia. You’re just gonna wake up in the morning and run away.” He sighs again.
I heave a deep breath. Thank God I switch off the cooker before coming here.
” What were you doing in Italy that day ?”
” I got a job to handle. Some asshole ratted me out and i needed to sort his shit out.”
” Murder ?”
” Murder.” He answers. When am I ever getting used to all of this. This is too hard to take in. I remembered i wanted a normal life once i resumed college but then , a really cute mystery man barged into my car. How can I ever forget that day?
” Why did you kill your father ?”
He didn’t expect I’d asked that. He looks tired all of a sudden. He looks away from me and mutter something under his breath.
” He was an asshole , I told you.” He says.
” That didn’t explain anything Gray. Why did you do it ? You said you were closest to him or was that a lie ?”
” It wasn’t.”
” Then what ? Vladimir told me how you cleared a man named Sinclair’s dirty deals and most times do his delivery. And you killed a lot of people to be on top so your father was part of those people too ?”
He takes a deep breath and lean against the wall close to me.
” He was right. Sinclair was my father’s friend. They were close and my father was Sinclair’s right hand man. I was a part of his Mafia. I cleared the dirty deals and most times deliver their drugs. No one suspects a teenage boy with drugs actually. I wanted more. My father was a coward , he couldn’t build up his own organization and he’s just tied to Sinclair like a puppy. I hated calling someone boss and I needed to make my own money and i planned ahead..” he stops and takes a deep breath.
” Then Sinclair’s Mafia was American’s most powerful mob. He’s got a lot of men and clients. And then his biggest of them all was Harold. He was a Columbian. He made a deal with Sinclair for a large amount of narcotics and almost 50 million was involved with it.”
” Things got messier.” He turns to look at me.” Remember I said I make the delivery , I took the drugs to him that day after I killed the guy who was supposed to deliver them. I took the money and killed Harold. I made sure I leave no trace behind. Only my father knew about it because I told him about my plans. Sinclair discovered Harold is dead and he got furious. He didn’t get the money and his drugs either. My father ratted me out to Sinclair and…..”
” You shot him.” I say and turn to look at him. He couldn’t meet my eyes and he just nods.
” You killed your father because he ratted you out ?”
” I have to. He was a coward. He was supposed to support me since we were always close. Even when my mother threatened to leave his life because he was involved with the mafia , I didn’t leave. I always support him, including the countless times he cheated. The grief of having a mistress and Freddie and the guilt of what he did , I had to kill him.”
I didn’t say a word. I pace around the room and cross my arms. Gray’s so much. I’m too innocent for him. All of this is too much. So his mother tried to leave his father too when she found out.
” Did you mother knew from the start he was involved with drugs.”
” She didn’t. It was when I turned fifteen she discovered and it was through Damon. Damon went to rehab actually because of his drugs intake. She blamed me for it because i knew about it and didn’t tell her.”
” Why did you not tell her ?”
” Because I was also involved. I liked it and I loved the lifestyle. It was a choice I made when I was a teenager.”
” So it was when Damon left rehab he joined the army. Why not SWAT ? I think their major jobs is to fight against illegal drugs.”
” I don’t know. We had issues when he knew i was with dad. Nobody knew I killed my father.”
” Till date ?”
” Yes. I didn’t tell anyone. I flew out of town and came to New York that was how I started Summit. Or maybe I actually started it secretly before I killed my father. I just wanted to make sure Sinclair get out of the way.”
” You’ve done a lot of shit.”
” I know and I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you.”
” If no one knew you killed your dad , then who told Vladimir?” I ask.
” I don’t know. I bet he guessed that just to make me look bad in front of you.”
I turn my back against him and sigh. I really want a break from all of this. Maybe visit Miami with Alexa and my friends this weekend. It’s gonna be worth it. I need to be far from all of this heavy secrets. Now I’m wishing I didn’t ask in the first place. It’s better to be kept in the dark , than to carry this heavy secrets.
” Why did you do all of that ? What you did to Sinclair was wrong. Your type of game is shitty and too dangerous.”
” That’s how the Mafia works , Ariel. You have to take out the people on top to be on top. That’s the ugly shit.”
” And you thought it’s nice to take out your boss and every other unlucky souls. Do you even have a soul ?”
He sighs deeply.” I’m sorry. For everything that I’ve put you through. The problems, the trauma. Everything , I’m really sorry.”
” Sorry ? Sorry won’t bring back my normal life , Gray. I lost my normal life the very day you barged into my car. You know most times , I wished i didn’t meet you. I wish we didn’t even cross parts. Maybe I’ll be concentrating in school and going to therapy so I can fight my depression. Not running from gun-men and mob people who wants to kill me because my so called boyfriend is a Mafia boss and he did a lot shit to a lot of shitty people. The fights never end Gray and you know it. But yet , you had to put me in between your mess. I got shot because of you.” I yell and turn to look away from him. He’s turn me into a mess. Maybe I’m the cause. I had time to back out from his world but I thought i could stick in because he’s unavoidable.
” You have a right to yell at me. Do whatever you want to do to me , i deserve it.” He says behind me.
” So what if I rat you out too ?” I ask and turn around to look at him. He watches me closely with his hands in his pockets.
He stays quiet like forever before answering.” You won’t.”
I chuckle. He knows me too well. I bet I don’t even know myself that much.
” Why would you say that ? What if I go to the CIA or maybe the SWAT team and tell them popular Gray Carter is a Mafia boss and he’s involved with narcotics. What you gonna do Gray ?”
He push himself from the wall and walk slowly to my form. He stops in front of me and we’re so close. He raise his hands and tuck my loose strands of hair behind my ear. His forefinger seduce my neck with it’s slow trails. Gray lifts my chin to look at him.
” You won’t.”
” Why so confident ?” I ask. I really wanna hear him say it. Tell me he’s gonna shoot me like his father.
” Because you care so much about me and you don’t wanna admit it. You love me , Ariel.”
I swat his hand off my chin and glare at him.
” I’m gonna call the cops and tell them that you’re a criminal.” I say.
” Why are you doing this ? Why are you trying to step on my shoes ?”
” Step on your shoes ? I really wanna see what you can do when I tell on you. Cause I will Gray.”
He takes one last step and we’re breathing the same air.
” I dare you Ariel.”
” You know I will.”
” Then I will fuckin kill you.” He says with so much seriousness that my heart forgets to beat.
He shuts his eyes and opens them. He looks weak and crowded with lots of emotions.
” You know I will never hurt you. I love you too much to try.” He says with lots of emotions.
” Don’t you care about your father ? Is it even worth it ?” I inquire.
Jesus , he’s obviously a psychopath. He needs to visit a therapist.
I turn around and cross my arms. ” I need a break , Gray.” I bite my lip to stop me from crying. I made sure my voice doesn’t fail me.
I continue when he didn’t answer.” We need a break. I need time and space to process everything and I want you to grant me that request. I won’t tell anyone if that’s what you’re scared of. But I wanna be far from you for now. I need to breathe properly. This is too much to handle. I’m tired of being bait to blood thirsty criminals who want you dead and I want you to leave me alone for now. Please.”
I hear him sigh behind me. I don’t really know what I did but I just wanna be away from him. I don’t know when ,but, I’m not sure I’m getting on with him anytime soon.
” You’re breaking up with me ?” He asks. His voice so quiet and calm.
” Call it whatever thing you want Gray. I wanna be far from you. Far away from your mess. Far away from your world. I don’t wanna be in the middle of your crimes. Gray I can’t handle them. I really love you but I can’t. This is too much for me to handle. We need a break , Gray.” I turn to look at him. He looks so cold without emotions.
” Okay.” That was his last statement as he leaves…
I think they need the break though 😊😊
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