Tiffany added, “Other than reproduction,
making money and fixing things, men have
no real purpose, given the recent
technological improvements in sex toys.”
Mom scoffed, “Fixing things? My husband
can’t even fix a leaking toilet.”
Dana said, “I even read somewhere that in
the next ten years there’ll be sex robots
you can buy. If you suck one off you’ll be
able to choose chocolate, strawberry or
Mom surprised me when she said, “I’d
rather just have some young s–d I could
call up when I needed some.”
“A boy toy with benefits?” Carol quipped.
“A BDBB, a big dicked boy with benefits,”
I couldn’t believe they were talking about
this so casually and openly. Did women
always talk like this… like men?
“And one who can reload quickly,” Dana
added, “unlike my hubby who’s good for a
four-minute marathon then nap time.”
Mom added, as she looked at me to see
how I was taking all this, “Wow, thatisa
marathon compared to Eric.”
It was weird. I couldn’t explain it, but it was
like she wanted me to know Dad was a
quick shooter and not sexually satisfying
her. I knew I shouldn’t say it, especially in a
room full of female relatives, but I couldn’t
help It, I had to stand up for men and to
stress my own capabilities just in case
Mom was hinting at something (as far-
fetched as that was). “For the record, many
men can last as long as it takes to make
his woman happy and even reload in
Emily gasped, “Wade!”
“What?” I questioned, “I need to make it
clear that many men, I hope, can do a real
marathon. Or two.”
“I remember those days,” Mom sighed
“I don’t,” Dana joked.
“So what we all need is a young man like
Wade who can go the distance,” Carol
“Gross, that’s incest,” Emily said, disgusted.
“Incest is best,” Carol joked.
“Keep it in the family,” Tiffany added.
The entire time these jokes were being
made about incest, Mom was looking at
me. It wasn’t like she was devouring me
with her eyes, but there was just
something different I couldn’t explain.
“Double gross,” Emily grimaced.
“Emily, you wound me,” I declared playfully.
Emily shook her head, “I don’t mean you,
my dear hunk of a cousin, I mean the idea
Carol asked, “So if your cousin wasn’t
related to you you’d f–k him?”
Hearing Carol sayfuckwas hot; having her
say it about me and my cousin was
“Mother!” Emily gasped again, jumping to
her feet and stalking away.
Carol shrugged, “I was just trying to
“You’re so bad,” Dana laughed.
“It’s just so much fun rattling her,” Carol
said, watching her daughter leave.
“Just for the record,” I decided to add,
wanting to hint somehow that I’d f–k any
one of my aunts if the opportunity arose, “If
you ladies weren’t all married and related to
me I’d be flirting with you like crazy.” I was
really addressing my aunts (and my Mom,
if by some remote chance she was
interested). My cousins had pretty much
slipped off my radar; Emily seemed
adamantly opposed to fun and the shy
Becky hadn’t said a word so far and
“Good to know,” Dana joked. “It’s good still
to be considered desirable.”
I shook my head. “Ladies, each one of you
is super-hot, like MILF hot, and if your
husband doesn’t see that in you I’m utterly
“There’s always a younger model,” Mom
“Trust me, they don’t see us as sexy,” Dana
“Mine does,” Tiffany pointed out, cupping
her t–s pointedly at the only male present.
“Wait twenty years,” Dana suggested
“What’s a MILF?” Carol asked.
“A Mom I’d like to….” I answered, not
comfortable sayingfuckin front of my aunts
“You’d like to what?” Dana asked, but in a
seductive voice… obviously she knew
exactly what a MILF was and likely knew
she was one.
“Yes, son,” Mom added teasingly, “what
exactlywouldyou like to do to us?”
Carol added, frustrated and not catching on
to the obvious, “Would someone let me in
on the joke?”
Decidingfuck it!If they were going to get all
flirty and raunchy I could too. “F–k!A MILF
is a Mom I’d Like to F–k!”
“Oh!” Carol said, clearly surprised by my
“And you think we all qualify, which
means…?” Dana insinuated.
Tiffany added, shockingmenow, “Well I’m
sure many MILFs would be willing to bend
over for that big d–k I hear you have.”
“What?” I asked flabbergasted.
Mom gasped, “Tiffany!”
“What? You said he’shuge,” Tiffany asked,
pretending like she was unsure why Mom
was making a big deal out of this. “Are you
now saying he’s not?”
“I’m not taking back anything, but that was
between us,” Mom said, her face now beet
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