Ugochukwu turned to me and returned the askance look.
Ugochukwu: you know say that man dey talk with parables, oya tell me wetin be the two dark clouds and wetin em mean by it is about to rain?
My eyes darkened in confusion, for the first time in our friendship I doubted Ugo’s loyalty, a salient voice is telling me he is lying to me.
I looked away and watched the streets as we drove on, we branched Conoil to get fuel before we finally find our way in a remote area around Port-Harcourt.
He horned before a life-don-tire me gate twice before it was finally threw open by Shantel.
She was so happy jumping like primary school pupil with her beautiful dress, she don wear make-up. Na wa oh! Who even tell girls make-up make them look better sef?
We looked for a place to park in the compound fenced round but any plant could thrive there because it wasn’t cemented.
Ugochukwu came down before I could get the seat belt off my body, I came out and saw them hugging tightly while Ugochukwu was administering soft kisses all over her face.
Me: so ona don see each other, I don turn to ghost.
Shantel: blush no na, good afternoon, sir.
Me: come and hug me for your forgiveness.
She was about heading my direction when Ugochukwu held her back and crossed his possessive arm around her shoulder.
Ugochukwu: when you turn priest to dey forgive sin?
Me: I touch my forehead and frown ooohhh! oh Gawd!
Shantel: wetin happen?
Me: I don forget that number that beautiful lady give us, Ugo em dey with you?
Shantel: honey, you collect any beautiful lady number?
Ugochukwu: frown no, na Victor she give the number.
Me: why em come dey your pocket?
Shantel: remove his arm from her shoulder and stand arms akimbo looking him up why em dey for your pocket?
Ugochukwu: she give me make I give Victor.
Me: I stretch my open palm hand it over.
Shantel: hiss you too like women.
She angrily turned and started walking towards the house, Ugochukwu threw the card at me and went after her.
I bent and picked the card, boldly imprinted name ‘Profit Mustafi’ the second name is kind of powerful in the country, I saw Ugochukwu returning back.
Ugochukwu: tell me why thunder no suppose strike you.
Me: you nodey like to co-operate, what’sup with Shantel na?
Ugochukwu: the babe don been catch me with babe wey I wan bed for guest house, I no know who gave her the intel say I wan go bang one babe like that.
Me: you know what?
Ugochukwu: how you expect me to know.
Me: if I be Shantel father, I for no allow human being with fowl p—k marry my daughter.
Ugochukwu: God forbid, with that your irresponsible di-ck. How you wan take produce powerful girl like Shantel, with that your overused spe-rm.
Me: but na me born you.
Ugochukwu: you don mad, I happy say Shantel catch me that day.
Ugochukwu: the babe get HIV, and she been dey tell me say we go do am skin to skin. I don ready, if you see how my p—k don strong, and the babe nodey like person wey get HIV.
Me: as them dey write am for forehead na, am HIV positive.
Ugochukwu: wetin I learn for school be say, if you get HIV you go get lose of hairs, slim like say food nodey. Come worwor, I no believe say such beauty go get HIV.
Me: you no get sense, for this 21st Century.
Ugochukwu: Shantel appear for the guest house na em make your friend no get HIV.
I wondered what Shantel really see in Ugochukwu if love isn’t blind, her mother came out and welcomed us warmly but Shantel who had gone inside didn’t join her. She dey vex tru tru, girls sha.. Small thing them don carry am for head.
Ugochukwu and I moved the goodies we bought for them inside, I gave Igo the wine and we went inside the sitting room.
The sitting doesn’t have expensive taste but it surpassed any moderate arrangement.
I sat in one armless cane chair whil Ugo find his way to were Shantel sat, he was tryna crossing that his hand that he hadn’t shave across Shantel shoulder but the babe no gree.
Shantel’s mom: ah ah! Shantel, this one you didn’t allow your husband to be, to touch. Hope all dey well?
Ugochukwu: yes, she nofit wait for the honey moon night.
Me: I nearly laugh, this boy na mumu oh you know say Shantel na deal day girl.
Shantel: shock mommy don’t mind them oh she blush
Ugochukwu: mommy mind us oh peck her
My phone rang and I excused myself from the sitting-room to take the call, it was from Anderson.
Anderson’s voice: hello, Honourable we don wait you sotay everybody don dey get beards for yansh oh!
Me: I dey come, make ona exercise small patient.
Anderson’s voice: no strength again to exercise.
Me: I dey road, tell them say reward dey for anybody wey go wait.
Anderson’s voice: you mean am?
I hung up and went back to see the wine Ugochukwu bought and some money on the wooden table, I didn’t sit again.
Me: I don dey run late Ma, Ugo make I dey go na. Shantel, we go see later.
Ugochukwu: hiaa! you wan leave me here.
Ugochukwu got up too, we were about to leave the sitting-room when Shantel’s mother asked her to walk us to our car.
She did sha.. Without saying a word and Ugo hugged her not minding her mood, this two people love dey wear agbada.
We entered the car and drove out of the compound, I say my hear wetin dey happen for Nigeria na. I switched on the radio in the car.
Ugochukwu: you wan break history.
Me: wetin you sabi? as the spirit leads.
Them knack their radio beat before one sweet voice came up.
Broadcaster’s voice: breaking news, a sum of one hundred million niara has been recovered from the residence of Mr. Okoye Jada by EFCC, details will be brought to you shortly.
I switched off the radio, wetin I wan use details do again.
Ugochukwu: o boy, that man sabi thief like that.
Me: I pull boxer for am oh!
Ugochukwu: politics na lucrative business for Nigeria oh! just eight years as chairman of LGA, em don store one hundred million naira.
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