Anderson: God forbid.
Anderson: why I go enter Dyna when my mate dey enter car?
Me: I shake my head your mate dey enter car but them nodey buy am.
Anderson: God time is the best.
Me: ehnn.. Abeg make we discuss serious matter, sit down biko.
He went to the couch and sat down, just then PHCN come say hello. I wonder why the person even on the light when em no wan bring am, NEPA will just position sadist in the control stations.
Just then he finally decided to bring the light, and the room was condition in good spirit with the AC.
Anderson: oh yes! just in time, them know say important person don enter.
Me: ehnn.. How many buses go fit convey all the adults for the yard?
Anderson: like four.
Me: four? Some people go lap oh!
Anderson: the two fat women for the yard go take two two seats.
Me: I understand, hire one dyna. Na there we go arrange the speaking system, we dey go village to villages. Before the campaign go finish, I wan go all the sixteen villages.
Anderson: no problem, I go arrange am latest tomorrow. So what of money?
Me: you never even go ask price, you know Ochagba Village, na there we dey visit tomorrow. Go cost am then bring am come with the signature of the seller, I go still confirm the price anyway.
Anderson: I go call you this evening.
He got up and left, I searched for my other phone that I saved all the Excos and ward chairman phone numbers.
Ward six Chairman is from the village, I dey go rally for support tomorrow.
I dialed his number and he picked after it rang twice.
Ward 6 chairman’s voice: my own honourable! the only honourable wey talk and do one of NPP.. no vex as I no pick your call earlier, these mumu children wey I born just dey behave like children wey dey smoke weed.
Me: no problem, I go want make you help me do something.
Ward 6 chairman’s voice: speak, your loyal servants have big ears.
Me: help me tell the Village chief make everybody gather for town hall for afternoon tomorrow.
Ward 6 chairman’s voice: consider it done, this night the town crier go deliver your message straight away. Anybody wey say em no go come, na with Ak47 I go chase am come the town hall.
Me: I go surprise you tomorrow.
Ward 6 chairman’s voice: my own honourable, you be surprise already.
Me: I start laughing hahaha, thank you.
I ended the call, I called Anderson again. He picked and I instructed him to make arrangement for forty bags of rice, he was surprise but I knew what am doing.
Money isn’t the problem but popularity, I took my car keys and navigate with google map to Aisha’s residence.
When I got to the gate and I horned, the automatic gate slide aside just like the way it is in the Governor’s house, I drove in and marvelled at the kind of building the woman was living in.
And the securities there ehnn.. everywhere mancho men, na wa oh!
I parked my car at the parking lot, the compound was vast and the three storey building before me was something to live in and live longer than expected, I stepped out and one of the mancho men took me to her she was sitting in a shade, she smiled when she saw me and ordered her guard to leave.
Aisha: oh! please, sit sweetheart.
I raised my eyebrow, how sweetheart associate with me is still a mystery.
Anyways, I sat.
Me: what do you want?
Me: why you dey frustrate my life?
I wanted to shout at her and press her neck, that was my initial plan until I drove in and saw all these trained gorillas with soldier trousers and singlets displaying blocks as muscles.
I changed my mind asap, she sipped from the glass in her hand and offered me a glass to dine with a witch, I took the glass and dropped it on the table who knows if she don bewitch the glass and wine.
Aisha: you are here to see your son or you wan talk?
Me: I wan see my son.
Aisha: good, sign this papers.
She brought out a file, the thing shocked me oh! Wetin concern see with sign, I still received the stretched out file and opened it. the first page was court wedding blabla.. My two eyebrows on their own lifted up and my eyes nearly left their sockets.
Me: you don’t mean it!
Aisha: I mean am na, I love you and I want to marry you so that we go rule the State together in the future, I have powers to help you win easily.
Me: I don’t need your devilish help
Aisha: she chuckle devilish help? the garden is no more but the apple still lives, stop to dey act like tata
Me: make I act like adult marry person wey don old pass me.
Aisha: experience is better, age is just 1, 2, 3.
Me: I see, isn’t just 1 2 3, is days Months and years biko.
The first document there is unacceptable, I flipped to the second document and it was more ridiculous, that I will stay away from the Governor and his wife. Wait, how did this woman know about Madam Stella?
I pushed the file back to her.
Madam Stella: you are done?
Me: very done, I nodey sign.
Madam Stella: you never ready to see your pikin, guards! she clap her hands
Me: what is the meaning of this?
Madam Stella: show him the meaning.
Two king kong appeared from nowhere and marched towards me, I jumped out of my chair and jumped through the window level wall surrounding the hall.
I quickly ran not looking back to my car, I wonder why the other guards were just staring at me. I ignited my car and quickly drove out, I will never come to this witch house, ever again. Amen!
I arrived at the Governor’s residence and went straight to Ugochukwu’s room, Governor and his wife went to Abuja.
I opened the door and met him sleeping in hot afternoon, I tapped him.
Me: wake up, na only women dey sleep for afternoon.
Ugochukwu: you dey alive?
Me: when you start to dey see ghost.
Ugochukwu: ever since you go visit that Aisha.
Me: leave joke, that woman na mad woman tru tru.
Ugochukwu: there is fire on the mountain.
Me: who set am?
Me: run run na.
Ugochukwu: I try but no way, we dey fu-ck when condom break.
Me: give am drug na, case close chikena.
Ugochukwu: she no gree take, say em go damage her womb.
Me: so, wetin you want my do?
Ugochukwu: do something?
Me: as doctor or the fu-cker?
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