Ugochukwu: na me oh! Ugo, madam solution.
White woman: her cheeks flare like bulldog own get out!
Me: make we dey go na I hiss
White woman: two women, two women she start laughing
I dragged Ugochukwu and we disappeared from the white room that served as consultation room for the fine lady, we faced the road from the hallway that led out of the incomplete house and saw the busy road.
Ugochukwu: you sure say your problem get solution?
Me: I start laughing hahahaha!
Ugochukwu: why you dey laugh?
Me: that prophetess go sweet for bed, I swear.
Ugochukwu: no wonder she pursue us, ewu Zambia.
I looked him up and walked away, he later followed from behind as we walked towards his car that was parked along the road.
I stared at the billboard that was written “Madam Solution” and walked towards it.
I stared at it and contemplated how to pull it out from the ground since the lady wasn’t really doing what her advert is advertising.
Ugochukwu: wetin you wan do?
Me: I wan commot this thing na, em no get need to dey stand here.. The woman nofit provide any solution.
Ugochukwu: if I were you, I go start to dey use my head instead of my anus.
Me: wetin that one mean?
Ugochukwu: come make we commot here, make we go meet one Baba wey get powers for the other street.
Me: I walk away from the billboard and head to the car how manage you sabi all these places when you dey claim reverend father upadan?
Ugochukwu: I be business man na, I need them for one or two.
Me: wetin be the one or two?
Ugochukwu: no ask me.
We got into the car and drove out of the place, we drove for some hour and got into the city outskirt.
He took a curve and then a turn and I find myself in bushy part without electricity pole or good road.
We drove for sometime and then he stopped at a hut close to the road, we came down and Ugochukwu faced the hut ’cause he was at the other end of the car.
He walked towards the hut and then I followed him, he pulled his pans and got into the hut. I followed his footsteps and entered the hut.
I haven’t even assimilate anything inside the hut when one short man barked at us to stop at the door.
A red clothe was covering the other part of the hut, make I call am room? I was just seeing mud mud all around me, and with zinc above me.
A very short man shifted the red clothe and surfaced from the inner chambers, he was bare body with red clothe tied around his waist down to his legs.
Ugochukwu: baba, I salute you.
Baba: make ona go back.
Me: why na?
Baba: I know why you are here.
Ugochukwu: mutter I tell you say em get power.
Baba: the two women be side you brought you here.
I was confused, I looked at my right and my left then my back and then my front. I no see anybody, I come dey wonder if Ugochukwu na woman. But I don see amu wiggling at his g—n before na, mba! is impossible for him to have toto na.
Me: which women?
Ugochukwu: baba, abeg tell us who the women be.
Baba: leave now! before I strike you with thunder.
In the name of thunder I ran out and the hearing of strike I find myself across the road were Ugochukwu parked his car.
He later joined me looking at me strangely, like am something celestial.
Me: why you dey look me like say you be imbecile?
Ugochukwu: your own problem pass the gods, maybe na prayers go help you.
Me: you mean pastor?
Ugochukwu: we dey go church tomorrow.
We drove back to the yard more confused than we are before, I was so tired and I jumped on the bed with my shirt and trouser on.
And hugged my pillow to sleep, I never even sleep well when Ugochukwu slapped me to wake up.
Me: wetin dey worry you na? you no sabi ethics of sleep, no wake sleeping person.
Ugochukwu: you no sabi the ethics of visitor, no keep them hungry. Abeg, I wan eat rice.
Ugochukwu: show me the rice I go eat.
Me: no wake me again before I go blow you.
Ugochukwu: I wan go back to Aba.
Sleep disappeared from my eyes and I got up from the bed, I called Cynthia and she came.
I gave her some money to prepare rice and stew for both of us, Ugochukwu was just eyeing her yansh upadan.
I was just lying on my bed trying to catch sleep if she go pass my roof when I started frog’s voice behind my window.
Voice1: I go blow ooohh! Music ooohh! I told my mama I will blow, tell my papa I will blow. I tell my nigga I will blow singing blow blow is my song market women will sing blow blow.
Voice2: you wan blow like transformer or bulb?
Voice1: see, if I release this album ehnn.. I go blow like Wizkid and Davido.
Voice2: ehhnn.. The only way you go blow na to kill the seven villages wey you connect to, one way or the other wey dey sit down on top your destiny.
Voice1: seven wetin?
Voice2: seven different village people dey sit down on top your blow, my brother.
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