She started laughing seriously almost dropping to the ground while hugging her stomach in the process, I wonder what is really funny about what I was saying.
Profit: that is how I drive, Vic chuckling
Me: you don’t have to be driving with Methuselah Jnr, I no wan die young.
Profit: now I get, isn’t a problem. Come into the car you will be the one to drive us.
She gave me the car’s keys and we went back into the car, I mounted the steering. She had lots of cars but this car looked different from others, after I thrusted the key I stared at her for a long time.
Profit: is there a gold on my face?
Me: prepare for burial.
Profit: is one of my admirer that bought the car, but I told him to back-off.
Me: which one is back-off again?
I moved the car and we gunned down the street, I crossed over and took a U-turn. She was observing as I drove.
Profit: where are we going?
Me: to see somebody.
Profit: a she?
Me: a he blind he
Her face heated up and she buried it in her palms, she surely looked gorgeous while blushing. But wait oh! if I dey date her naso she godey she-ing anytime I want to be see-ing. No wonder am with Balenciaga I mean Veronica, those two old witches wey no wan allow my young blood rest go choose Dolce and Gabana according to their wickedness in high places.
We got to the house the Seer lived in and I looked for a space and parked the car, I pulled out the keys and came down.
She joined me, looking confuse. She was standing across the car closer to the gate, I walked over and stretched my hand and she grabbed it.
I pushed the gate open and we both stepped in, that mumu small pikin nodey there today. So we just went straight to the backyard and saw the old Seer on the same position resting his head on the wall with his walking stick, he rose when he heard our footsteps.
Seer: I know why you are here, your fear will leave you when you go to the place your heart wants you to go. he turn to Profit and she grab my arm tighter do you need a Daniel to read the writing on the wall?
Profit: what are you saying old man?
He went into silence and Profit kept asking questions which I know say the man no go even answer am, I just have to take her away. We barely made five steps when the man spoke again behind us.
Seer: don’t return, anymore. It will soon rain heavily, I don tell you.
I chuckled, this man no know say em prophesy na my daily bread. I pulled out some money from my pocket and dropped it on a window frame and we both went out, Profit never said a word until we got into the car probably she don turn Monk with meditation.
Profit: who is that old man?
Me: someone who see the things to be soon saw, someone with round big third eye on his fore-head. Someone who has the seeable in every dimension.
Profit: she raise her eyebrows is that your own definition of a seer?
Me: you no like am?
Profit: you are not serious, where is your girlfriend?
Me: she travelled out of the Country, that girl too stubborn.
She no gree talk again until we arrived at her house, I got out of the car and she motioned one of her Gorilla to hand-over my car keys while she hurried in with her gracious steps.
That girl dey only wear one brand of clothing, na model sha… Wetin concern Victor, I dialed Ugochukwu’s number.
He picked and didn’t say a word, I just had to start the conversation in ernest.
Me: where you dey?
Ugochukwu’s voice: who carry network go land of dead, wait… No tell me say you don commot Hades for em political position oh.
Me: be serious na.
Ugochukwu’s voice: am seriously preparing for your burial, I don order one million naira coffin for your head. Na your burial photo I dey settle now.
Ugochukwu’s voice: na the new dead people message code to the living?
Me: shattered sense na wetin em mean, come meet me for my yard.
Ugochukwu’s voice: where you dey now?
Me: I never commot from the babe house.
Ugochukwu’s voice: sharp guy, so how many rounds?
Me: just umh.. Make I say twenty rounds.
Ugochukwu’ voice: son of his father, is she tight?
Me: no, she is well.
I hung up and got into my own car, drove straight to the yard. I stopped and came down at the front of my yard, then I dialed Anderson’s number.
Me: where you dey?
Anderson’s voice: I dey road, remain small I don reach yard.
I leaned on my car the sun hasn’t rose to angry state yet. Teacher sat on a plastic chair with his long socks that ran from his toes to his kneels, with two children who sat before him.
A long cane lay beside him.
Teacher: when we were still in the business of Schooling in the 80s and 90s, that is when you will see quality education. We taught our students to be an icons in life, unlike today what they go and learn in the school is how to jump windows, how to do expos, how to be sharp like razor blade, especially how to press. Anything they press will damage, phone, laptop, if your daughter is unfortunate and she is pressed oh! Oh!! Her Jericho must fall flat pointing to her toes.
Voice: Donald come eat oh!
Donald: mommy, I dey come. he stand up
Teacher: pick up the cane and am talking this one is mumu-ing hit it on his head
Donald: cry out mommy oohh! my head ooohh! teacher don break my head oohh!
He ran around the frontage jumping and shouting, crying very loud that made his older sister who called him to eat and his mother rushed out.
Mama Donald: which kind trouble be this? No kill my pikin for me oh..! shebi the 80s and 90s no tell you to born?
Just then Anderson appeared from nowhere and we got inside the car.
Me: you don call the NEPA manager?
Anderson: yes, em dey office. Honourable, you go try raise the side mirrors up.
I did and we drove to the PHCN station in the LGA that I wanted to supply lights to the Villages that had no light in my constituency.
Me: you no tell Rufus to call me again.
Anderson: I don settle the matter, em don agree to live with Old Solider but em say em go see you too, say em no like the agreement.
Me: you go call am for me when we reach yard.
We arrived at the PHCN office and we looked for were to park, I parked the car and we walked inside the office to see the manager.
The moment we stepped in the person at the counter faced back with his loud voice.
Man at the counter: oboy, them don bring Light? my phone don run down.
Voice from inside the office: light nodey oh! if you like no go hustle where you go charge your phone.
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