……”Hide hide hide, find somwia hide”, she
de tel me. I ask am weda she don 4get say
she lock door, say mak she relax. D boy de
bang 4door, de odar am mak she open
door, naim she shout tel am say she de
com. She leta go open door, me dey unda
bed. Dem jus dey dia de tok mama and
pikin gist, me de sweat unda bed. 20mins,
dem stil de yarn. I com de wonda weda dis
woman wan punish me 4 wetin I do am,
she 4 jus tel d boy mak Im comot or even
send am message mak I jus comot unda
bed wey I dey, abi she don 4get say I dey
dia. I dey unda bed reach 1hr. Dem still de
yarn, she no wan tel ha pikin mak Im
comot, ok I no wan Bleep again I jus wan
comot ha nonsense hous go sleep 4my
house. I bin wan use vex comot unda bed,
go hous, anytin wey wan hapun mak e
hapun afterall na she wan wicked me, but
one day wen d pikin grow Im go remeba
wetin hapun and e fit spoil I’m mind wia d
mama dey. I say mak I still wait smal see
wetin go hapun. I luk my watch, 10.35pm,
b4 I see taxi e go hard o. Wetin I go do
now? Why dis woman de bhave lyk dis. I
comot my fone, flash am. Flash am again
and again, wait som mins, dem stil de gist.
I send am message say I wan go my hous
time don pass and taxi fit hard 2see by dis
time. She reply me say mak I wait, she go
still baff again mak I peep. Omo e no funi
me den o. I jus de tink wetin I go do, I jus
tire, my head and eyez de heavy. I open
my eyez, luk my watch, 9.01am. Chineke
ee. I sleep unda bed. How manage, how
com. Mrs joyce. Wia she dey?. I drag
mysef comot unda bed, luk ontop bed, I no
see mrs joyce, wia she leav me go?. I chek
ha baffrum, she no dey dia. I comot ha
room, chek ha pikin room, he no dey,
maybe he don go skul. I chek d whole
hous, I no see anybodi. I kol mrs joyce
name, nobodi ansa. Well, mak I de go hous
na, sum days are lyk dat. Mak I open front
door comot, door no gree open, I try am
again, push am, 4wia, I de luk around de
find key, I no see any key. I push door
push door, e stil no gree. I go bakyard
door, try dat1, d same tori. Nawao. Wich
kain nonsense b dis nah. I kari vex comot
my fone wan kol am, naim I see messag
4rm mrs joyce. She tell me say na she lock
evri door, mak I no try comot 4rm anywia
because she don tell security men wey de
guard dia street mak dem help am de
observ ha hous 4dat day so if I try anytin
dem go jus shoot me die. She say if I de
hungry mak I go kichen kari food chop.
shuooo! See as I use my hand put mysef
4hous arrest. Wetin b dis woman plan. I jus
de waka up and down ha hous de tink
wetin I go do, abi mak I kol joe scofield
mak I’m com comot me hia (prison break
tins ). As I de tink, my fone ring. Joe de
ask me hafa wia I dey, say I’m de kol my
numba since d tin node go. I de reason
weda na2 tell am wetin hapun. I tel am mak
I’m relax I de com. I’m com de tell me as
he tak Bleep dose 2babes 2geda last nite,
say d one wey she dey wit leta kol d oda
one mak she com. He com tell me say mak
I kol am bak mak I’m tell me as evritin tak
hapun, cut fone. Ur fada! I enta kichen
chop finish. Evritin dey dis woman fridge,
ice cream, wine, chicken, irish cream, beer;
evritin. Fridge jus full. i jus kolet one can of
gulder, enta palour mak I find fiim watch. D
kain fiims I de see 4ha rack nobe wetin I de
like, na romantik love fiims full dia, I jus
kari vex comot dia. I com rememba say I
see t.v 4ha room. I enta ha room, put t.v
on, put dvd, d tin de read but e node show
4 t.v. Wetin b d problem na. I chek 4bak
see say one of d A.v wire no konet. I put
am well…… ” Ooohh, Bleep me, Bleep me
hard, aahh, oh fuuuck, u re gonna mak me
c-m noww, Bleep me baby, ahh, ahh.” See
as one blackman de Bleep one fat black
babe, d tin too loud, I de find remote I no
see, naim I run go comot t.v 4rm

…. Hmmm. So dis woman go jus dey conji
gode waya am she go jus code am com
hous de watch bluefiim. Nawao. I com de
wonda weda naso oda mature babes de
do. I put d dvd again, comot d cd plate, Na
me get dis cd 4now. I enta kichen again,
kolet 2mor can of beer, de sip. I luk time,
12.30pm. I enta parlour, put ‘luv don’t cost
a thing’ de watch. B4 I no wetin de hapun I
don drink 4 cans of beer (I de drink
8bottles of beer b4 I dey ok) d tin com de
turn my eye small small, I wan kolet anoda
can but I respet mysef say mak I manag d
one wey I don drink. By 1.30pm mrs joyce
open door, enta, lock d door. she pass me
enta ha room straight, I no greet am she no
greet me. I jus sidon 4parlour dia. 15mins
she neva stil comot 4rm room. I say mak I
go find out wetin de hapun, as I de ha
room door wan enta inside naso I see am
de comot 4rm baffroom tie towel, I dodge
very fast, run go bak parlour go sidon
( mak she no tink say I de peep am again)
Afta som minutes she comot 4rm room.
She wear one kain hot bumpshort, com wia
spageti top witout bra, ha nippple jus de
show 4rm de top. I ask am wia I’m pikin
dey, she tok say she drop am 4her sista
hous, she go go 2moro kolet am.


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