FIX ME – Episode 10







I have no idea what I’m doing but I know I won’t be at peace with myself if I leave him in this condition.
I hurriedly dropped my phone in my bedroom…..Raul was calling.

‘I’m sorry,Raul.Maybe we could leave another day’ I thought.

I don’t even know what excuse I would say to him.
Walking back to Damien’s door,I lifted up my hand to knock but I know if I knock…he would quickly arrange his things and think of a cover up story before opening up for me.
Bending the doorknob,I walked in to find him leaning against the headboard.
The syringes are still on the floor.
He looked surprised to see me as he quickly sat up to take care of the mess.
“I’ll do it”I offered.
“I can do it….If you need something, could you excuse me for a second… I’ll be with you shortly”
Why does he love shutting people out?
“I want to take care of this….where do you put them?”I asked.
With a sigh of resignation,he pointed to a drawer.
“I saw you quivering and injecting yourself.What’s wrong with you, Damien?”I asked putting away the syringes.
“Nothing.You saw wrong….”
“Like I hear wrongly every night when you’re having nightmares.Or what do want to say this time?The TV was shivering and injecting itself”
“I’m fine.”
He’s not fine.
He looks disoriented and sad.
My chest suddenly ached.
I sat beside him.
“What is it,Damien? What’s the problem?”I asked but he didn’t reply.
I placed my hand above him and his whole body trembled but he didn’t remove his hand.
“I’ve noticed you flinch any time I touch you.Do you have a phobia for touches? What’s wrong?Talk to me”I coaxed.
I was surprised how badly I wanted to know his demons.
But he wouldn’t speak.
It was as if he wanted to….or probably contemplating what to do.
I sighed and looked around his bedroom.
The furnitures were dark… nothing cool about it.
My eyes widened seeing some of my paintings on the side of the bedroom.
It was part of the ones I had displayed on the local market for sale when I was in college.
“I didn’t see you purchase any of those from me”
He stared at the wall.
“One of my men did”
Was he a fan of artwork?
Right to that moment,I didn’t know I had someone who was quite obsessed with me.
“If you won’t tell me what’s up with you.Then get some rest.You look tired.”I said trying to hide the sadness I feel that even if he cared about me,he didn’t deem me worthy enough to share his secrets with me.
I stood up trying to get him to take off his jacket.
He turned to face me and my eyes held his.
The anguish I saw in his was unnerving.
“I want to tell you, Sophia.But don’t look at me when I talk… I don’t deal with pitiful looks quite well”
I smiled.”Okay”
Taking off his jacket.
I sat beside him and held him close to me.
I felt he needed affection.
And I don’t know why I’m trying to do everything to make him feel better.
I cradled him in my arms so that his head is resting on my chest.
That way he doesn’t have to look at me….but my heartbeat is out of control.
“There was this man.He was like my second father. I mean when my dad went on business trips….he would follow me to my school games instead.He would play with me at home…He bought me things the same way my dad did.He was my father’s best friend.Then,my dad would always tell me to find someone like Wyatt Gentry whom I would hold close to me like a brother.He said they had been friends since elementary school. I don’t really know what went wrong….I think it was about the money and fame and then one night… father’s pleading voice woke me up…. I went down the stairs and….and… I saw him….he shot my parents. I watched him murder my parents.My mother had been pregnant. She had been excited,she was almost due for delivery.”
Oh God!
Tears were rolling down my cheeks at that confession but I fought against sniffing.
I didn’t want him to feel terrible more than he already does.
“He was going to kill me too and I ran off. I jumped through the window. They would have killed me but someone pulled me into the woods and closed my mouth.It was Pedro.”
Juanita’s husband.
They had been with Damien for that long?
“Wyatt knew everything about my family.Then,my father didn’t have a lot of guards parading the house like I do.He thought since he was a good person,there was no reason for anyone to be a threat to him.It was just about two guards, Juanita and Pedro.They haven’t had Ana then.Wyatt also knew that it was the employees day off so murdering the O’Connells wouldn’t be a problem since there will no one around to call the cops”
“But you said Pedro saved you?”I asked trying to make my voice sound natural so that he wouldn’t know that I was crying but I didn’t get so lucky.
He lifted up his head.
“This is why I didn’t want to tell you anything”He grunted.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know your past was this terrifying.”
It’s okay if he didn’t want to tell me more.
Even if I was curious as heck but I didn’t want to force him.
He sighed and let me hug him again.
I grinned between my tears.
Someone seems to like my arms.
“Anymore tears from you and I won’t ever tell you anything again”He warned.
Jeez….still as grumpy as ever.
“Alright,sir”I replied, mockingly.
“Sir?”He looked up at me.
“What’s wrong with that?”
“It kinda feels hot hearing you take orders from me”
I frowned.
My control freak.
And I thought we were having a serious conversation right now.
He looked away from me again.
“Pedro said he forgot something at home.Jaunita and himself had gone to visit his mother.He said he heard the gunshots from the main house and then he called the cops.He saw me run from the house and that was when he followed me.When he pulled me into the woods and close my mouth…I thought I had been caught until I heard Wyatt and his men calling to me, warning me to come out.Of course he didn’t know the police was surrounding the house already.He had no idea what Pedro had done until he got caught.He and his cohorts were sentenced to death by hanging but that didn’t make anything okay for me….that didn’t take what I had seen away.For two years I didn’t speak… relatives couldn’t raised me because I scared them all away. The nightmares were always constant at night….it was always the same thing… sometimes in a more horrifying way.They couldn’t stand my screams and they couldn’t stand a child who was scared of being touched.Pedro and Juanita raised me….He took me to see a doctor and I talked the day I did something…. something that felt great to me”
“What happens when you’re touched?”
“I shiver…. I have a panick attack…when I wake up from the nightmares,the same thing happens.The injections are what brings back my sanity.”
“Even if you flinch when I touch you,but you don’t break down.Why is that?”I asked.
“Because it’s you, Sophia.It’s like you’re my happy pill….my pain killer.When I stare at you,all the worries of the world melts away.It’s just you”
If I said my heartbeat was out of control before….now, it’s an understatement.
I never knew I could have such effects on someone so broken.
“You said you did something that made you speak….what is it?”
“I can’t tell you that.I’m sorry.Perhaps, I would someday but I can’t….not now. I can only tell you that what I did became my addiction for years.Juanita and Pedro doesn’t know about that too.Only James do and he tried to help but he couldn’t. I desperately needed something that made me feel good and it always did until I met you”
I’m annoyed that he doesn’t want to tell me what this addiction was but my annoyance is replaced by curiosity again.
“Where did you meet me?Tell me,Damien. I need to know that at least, right?”
“I’m….I’m Griffin”
The only Griffin I know was the one who saved my life three years ago.
It can’t be….
I pulled him away from me.
“No way….”
“I am.You were at Staven’s alley that night….you were going to get raped.The men thought I was there to take a share of you, remember… kept disturbing me to take off my mask and you told me to walk you home”
I placed my hand on my forehead.
Damien is really Griffin.
“Shvt….why didn’t you take off your mask?”
“I didn’t want you to know who I was”
“Why did you lie about your name?”
“I thought I didn’t have any reason to be truthful to you since I might never see you again”
“What were you doing at the Alley?”
“I can’t tell you that.When you hugged me and told me that I was a good person,I felt some good in me and I wanted to try the healing process. I even changed my wardrobe… before I only wear black but I changed my wardrobe and discovered that other colours aren’t so bad after all.Every little thing that affects me was just made up in my head.You became my new addiction, Sophia”
This new discovery is a lot to take in.
“Why didn’t you approach me sooner? For a while,I was waiting for the mysterious man who saved me.For some reasons,I was attracted to you that night and I thought you were too and was probably going to come to me again…why didn’t you?”
“I wanted to. I wanted to make you mine so bad,princesa.But I didn’t deem myself worthy of you. I thought I didn’t deserve you… that was until I saw you at your graduation with your boyfriend.That almost tore me apart. I wanted you and I didn’t care how I got you. I thought with time, you’ll learn to accept me”
I don’t even know what to say.
“I…ho….how did you know my father was going bankrupt”
“From that night,I wanted to help you. I didn’t like the apartment you live in. I hated that fact that you had to walk to class but I knew you wouldn’t accept a stranger’s help so I watched you… I made sure you were always safe.When your mother passed,I was at the funeral and I kinda eavesdropped on the conversation with your dad.Even if he was going bankrupt,I know he was just using that as a excuse to cut off your expenses.So I approached him.No offense but your dad is quite greedy.”
I sighed heavily.”Tell me about it”
“He didn’t care what I wanted in return then…he just wanted all I could give and more. I didn’t want him to continue sponsoring you through school because he had been doing a sh’tty job at it.So I did with my own money… I’m sorry, Sophie for forcing you into something you don’t want.But I’m desperate.I’m tired of having injections as my constant companion. I want to be like a normal person. I want to be okay and you’re the only one who can help me.James,Juanita,Pedro and Ana can’t even touch me. It’s just you… there’s this thing with you…I don’t know…I just want you by my side. I know you can never love someone like me but just stay with me, please.”He begged.
God…this is too much for me.
He’s Griffin.
He didn’t only saved my life but made life comfortable for me.
If he had approached me before Raul did.
Would I have ended up falling in love with him?
But I want to help him.
I want to fix him.
I want to help him fight his demons.
How could I want to help another man when I claim to love Raul?
Or was I just feeling indebted towards Damien?
He had helped me a lot.
I could help him too but I was scared because I know deep down I wasn’t just feeling indebted to him.
Even if I was trying to convince myself that was the only feeling but I was attracted to him and it deranges me.
I was scared of what helping him would do to me.



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