Jillian looked more like a walking corpse..obvious
ly she’s not been eating too well…
Ever since the news reached her it was like a very vital system in her body was stolen, she suddenly felt empty and no matter how hard she tried to move on it just seem so hard..she still felt that empty space, her heart blamed her a lot..probably because she refused to let it love one person who truly loves her when she still had chance..
She barely ate, bath and took adequate care of herself…her mother’s death had so many effects on her..she looked slim, pale and unhealthy. Even tho realization made it clear to her that her mother was gone forever..her mind just couldn’t accept it.
it’s been just five days since her mother died..she was just coming from the cemetery where her mom was buried, she had cried a lot there and left after dropping a bouquet on the sands..She walked slowly to a bench and collapsed on it resting her head on the rocky headrest she blinked thrice and sniffed..slowly taking in the cool air, she was lonely..the few friends she had were gone and the woman who truly cares for her was gone..she gently touched the necklace Jess gave to her and smoothly ran her finger through the pendant, Jess left her
Jeremy left her and now her mom..
Her mom death actually helped her to get fit because it made her skip food and too much sleep and now she was sure she’d be able to fit into those bikinis, it also reduced her skin color but she didn’t need them anymore..she just wanted her mother, the love of her life.
She felt a presence beside her and she looked towards it, it was a little boy obviously three or four..he looked at her as well.. he had light green eyes, dark ebony hair that stick up in a gel,making her remember Jeremy and it made her smile slightly..
The boy was intently looking at her, his eyes was scanning her and he wore a frown..Jillian smiled at him but he frowned,making Jillian confused..she decided to try something else.
She was interrupted by a loud cry, it was coming from the boy and tears were gushing from his eyes..she made to touch him but a woman came to him and hugged him..comforting him and urging him to stop crying.
“What’s wrong Rex..why are you crying?” She asked the boy after cupping his chin..the boy whimpered then looked over at Jillian and pointed at her then started crying..
“She’s so scary..h-her tooth are missing” the boy cried making Jillian to get more confused…the woman faced her, her expression read anger.
She kept her face down..trying to avoid stares.
“Hey miss..what did you do to my child?” The woman asked coming toward Jillian…
“I-i-i didn’t d..
“Eww, gross..!” the woman exclaimed when she caught Jillian face.
“You’re horrible…, why don’t you do something about your looks rather than scaring little children away..who does that?” the woman yelled..
Jillian heart shattered and she felt her legs failing her as they turned wobbly..
“does your mom not tell you how to dress well like a girl that you are…you’re damn scary..” the woman said…Jillian felt billions of eyes on her..she ran away when she couldn’t stand it anymore..
she just got publicly embarrassed, this was the height of it all..she has to do something..FAST..
Jillian ran all the way to her house and went straight to her room, she collapsed on the floor placed her palm on her chest and cried her eyes out..
She slowly stood up and picked her mom framed picture on her dressing table and ran on the glass as more tears fell..
“M-mom..I can’t take it anymore, this world just doesn’t love me..maybe it’s not just where I belong mom..this is just too much for me, it’s not fun one bit ..I’m tired,” she sniffed slowly and wiped her cheek “I’m sorry mom..I hope you can forgive me…please” she said and slowly dropped the picture back on the light stand..she caressed the pendant Jess gave her and smiled..
“I love you Jess..you’d have been the only one to speak for me but you’re no more now, i miss you a lot Jess regardless of whatever you’ve done..you’ll always be my bestie, I’m so sorry for disappointing you but I just have to…I can’t take it again” she said, kissed the pendant and dropped it on the light stand beside the framed picture of her mother..
she wiped her tears and touched her forehead..same place Jeremy’s lips met, she could almost feel it..those sweet sensations that followed..
it was still plastered in her heart..she smiled and dropped her hand..
she pulled off the scarf round her neck and moved to her little drawer, scanned it and pulled out her big pink diary..she unloosed the big red flower and opened it, a little red pen fell and she picked it up..
she smiled, it’s been a while since she wrote on this stuff.
She walked to the kitchen, dropped her diary on the counter and fetched a cup of iced water and gulped it then sighed..
she dropped the cup on the counter..she reached for a coffee cup and poured a cup of coffee from the coffee machine..she took a sip.
it was hot and the feeling tingled her, she took more sip and dropped it down..
She had to enjoy her last day..she opened the refrigerator and picked a pack of berries from it..she peeled one off and munch..she gulped with difficulty..
she picked a pack if crackers and stuffed a handful into her mouth then chewed fiercely..
Her eyes were already welled up in tears but she didn’t want to cry..not on her last day..she looked sideways her eyes caught a kitchen knife just beside the stack of plates..she stood up and walked toward it.
she picked up the knife and gulped.
Maybe this was right..
she touched the sharp blade and blinked thrice…
she dropped the knife and picked up her diary, she flapped through the written pages until she got to a blank one..she took her pen, a tear dropped on the blank note and she wiped it off..she steadied her trembling hand but more tears fell and wet the note..
she tore off the page, wiped her tears and wrote on the page..
I finally found something much more peaceful than living..I found something that would give me eternal rest and save me from this world..something that seem right to me because it’s the only option..
I got so humiliated today by a so called mother..like hell it was pricking, I’ve never been insulted that way my whole life..but you know what’s more exciting..
it gave me a time to think..to reminisce on my past, it was hurtful and awful..I don’t wish to be this way in my next life..I don’t even wish this kind of life to my worst enemy …
it’s my last time writing here dear diary…don’t be like me, please live a good life..
I finally found a more soothing solace..
she closed the diary and dropped the pen on it..
she wiped the tears and walked over to the counter, she gulped her leftover coffee..groaned and reached for the knife..
the sharp blade glistened in the sun..she held the rubber part firmly with her both hand..closed her eyes, breathed in and took it up..
“I’m sorry mom, Jess..Jeremy..I’m sorry for failing you guys..I’m sorry” she muttered..a tear slide and with all her dexterity she drove the knife to her abdomen..
her expression changed and she winced in pain, she fell on her knees then onto the ground..still clinging tightly onto the knife..she blinked twice and gasped for breath..the blood gushed freely and slowly she died…
she ended it all.
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