I made up my mind to go to the clinic the following day for check up, I was really scared. That
was the third time he sent a message, I was so impatient. The following day, I quickly woke up,
told Kamal I was leaving, he never even wanted me to go, he was begging me to stay for a while.
He even told me to move in with him, I begged me to let me go that was gonna come back, I lied
to him that it was emergency. He allowed me, he gave me 10k when I was leaving, he was even
the one that dropped me at the bus stop. When I got to Yaba, I decided to visit one gay clinic in
Yaba, yes! There is a gay centre in Yaba, funded by an organisation, they deal with gay,
treatment of disease, seminars, orientation and lot more. It was one of my friend that actually
told me about the place, I never believed it until I got there. I don’t even know if they are legal in
Nigeria or not, I walked into the place, I met some guys in there. They were many and most of
them are gays and lesbians, I even know some of them, I demanded to see the doctor, I was
given a leaflet also. To cut the long story short, I met Doctor Shola who gave me some advices. I
was eventually tested, I tested positive to warts and I also tested positive to HIV. I screamed, I
didn’t believe it, what is Wart? He told me the sore in my anus is what they called Wart and it
doesn’t heal permanently but there is treatment for it which is temporary. What about HIV? I
told them to retest me again, it was still the same thing. HIV? I cried profusely, I was advised to
give them contact of the people I had sex with, I declined. I left that place, the following day I
went to another clinic again for another test, it was still positive. I was taken to a place I will be
counselled, I got there and I met old people there, most them are illiterate, I was the youngest, I
was dumbfounded, I was in shock. I got to the hostel, I called Tobi, his number wasn’t going
through. I logged into facebook to reach him, I discovered his account was deleted already. I was
crying, really crying. My phone rang, it was one of my friend that called me, he informed me that
my bestfriend is dead, Gbenro died. I screamed, I was shivering, I was shouting, I almost ran
mad. My hostel mate came to my rescue, they sympathised with me, I was nervous, crying
In the evening, I got a call from Kamal but I didn’t pick it. I was still in shock, that day was still the
worst day of my life. I picked up my phone crying bitterly, sent a text message to my mother to
inform her that I was HIV positive, I informed her I was infected by a guy I had sex with. I
apologised, begged her to forgive me that I didn’t listen to her.
I told her I was about to commit
suicide, nothing is left for me in this world, I’m a black sheep.
I tried committing suicide, what else is left for me in this world? Gbenro is dead, what else am I
looking for? I opened the door and walked out of the hostel bare footed late in the night,
everyone was asleep. The gate was locked, but I found my way out of the hostel, while walking
on the road, I received a text message from Kamal, saying he’s in love with me and he misses
me. I smiled, Kamal? Do you guys remember Kamal was somehow the person that disvirgined
me homosexuality, he was the first person that made me really wanted to be gay, he ruined my
life, he was the first person that I had gay experience with and can you imagine he’s also the last
person. This life is beautiful, I made a mistake, I saved Kamal’s life, i should have had
unprotected sex with him, I should have given him HIV as a punishment for molesting me when I
was a kid but I didn’t, I was too kind enough, don’t you think Kamal deserves to be infected with
HIV? Everything fallen apart for me, my phone keeps ringing, my mum kept on calling, my dad
kept on calling me, my sisters too, but I was lost in sorrow, I was weeping profusely, I was
depressed. I kept on walking, walking till I got to Oshodi express, I decided to take my life by
jumping in front of a Danfo Bus, I was hit by a Danfo Bus and I died.
I found myself in a three foot path in a farm, I was filled with blood, covered with blood.
Immediately, I saw Gbenro passing by, I called him, he didn’t answer me, he was really walking
fast, I decided to follow him, I started shouting “Gbenro wait for me, please wait for me”, he
didn’t answer he was going forward, moving very fast, I was unable to catch with him cos he was
so fast, I kept on following him but I couldn’t walk faster cos I was in pains, I kept on calling his
name “Gbenro wait for me”, then Gbenro passed through a transparent gate, immediately he
entered the gate, the gate was locked. He was still walking then he stopped, I got to the gate but
it was already locked, I was banging the door shouting “Please open the gate for me”, I was
crying ” Gbenro Open the gate for me”, Gbenro was still standing, I kept banging the gate “open
the gate for me”. Then I heard “Akanni” from behind, “Akanni is the name given to me by
grandmother because I’m the only son of my father while my father was her only child.
only one that calls me that name when she was alive, like I said earlier, my Dad is Yoruba while
my mum is from the south. I looked back, it was my grandmother, I was happy to see her, I tried
to hug her but she stopped me from coming close to her.
We began to speak in Yoruba language, she asked me what I was doing here, I said I wanted to
follow my friend but the gate was locked, she said it wasn’t my time that was why the gate was
locked, she told me I don’t belong there, she told me to go back home and change my wrong to
right, she told me to go back home and take care of Bidemi (my unborn child), she said I still
have a lot to do in life, she said its not yet my time, she told me the bond between me and
Gbenro was too much. She said “go back home Akanni”, I told her I’m not going until I pass
through the gate, I went back and start banging the gate, shouting “Open the gate for me”, my
grandmother began to use cane to beat me, she was beating me really hard, telling me to go
back, its not yet my time. I quickly ran away, while I was going back, I was really crying cos I
wasn’t allowed to pass through the gate, I looked back and saw Gbenro waving goodbye at me, I
waved back to him, crying.
I came back alive, Opened my eyes found myself in the hospital, my mother was beside me.
Sigh! I was in coma for 10 weeks, I was dead for 10 weeks. Two weeks later, I was able to talk, I
was able sit, I was told Doyin has given birth to a boy and they’ve done the naming, my son was
named “Abidemi”. Few weeks later, they brought my son to me, I saw my son, I wept profusely,
tears of joy, I was happy and I was sad. I carried my son in my arms and I smiled, tears of joy. My
whole family was there with me that day, I was so happy.
Few days later, I was still in the hospital, my mum beside me, I asked her if my son wasn’t HIV
positive? She said he’s not positive, likewise Doyin too. She told me, nobody in my family knows
I’m HIV positive, she said its a secret between me and her, she told me its a secret. My mother
stood beside me, she advised me. I was in the hospital for Good 7 months, I scars all over my
body, stitched tears all over body, I couldn’t walk for more than 9 months. I continued my HIV
treatment secretly, it was a secret between me and my mother.
Being gay is not a choice, being gay is like a terminal disease. I’m not against homosexuality
neither do I support it, we all have our lives to live, it is in our hand to live responsible, it is
written in the bible that let all things be done with decency. How I wish I was never to extreme,
how I wish I was to cautious, how I wish Gbenro’s parent never abandoned because of his gay
lifestyle, how I wish his muslim father showed him love when was still alive, how I wish they
helped him when he was alive. They say we are born this way, some say all gays will go to hell, I
know some will say this happened to me because I’m gay. This can happen to anybody, whether
you’re gay or not, we need to protect our lives and live responsibly once again…. Deep Sigh!
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