I have to put this down so that
whoever gets to
read it will learn of the miserable
life I lived, if at
the end, I choose the path of
death tonight.
My name is Johnpaul. I am a
little above fourteen years of age
and addicted to
Before the end of
today, I want to put an end to
this, or put an end to my life. Lying down
here on
my hard bed, nothing else
bothers me but this
darkness. This Iroko tree has
stayed too long and
its leaves have made a mess of
my life like a pig’s
If I cannot be free alive, I will go for it
dead. I do not want
to have anything to do with
p*rnography any longer. I am
shrinking in this
darkness, and I need light. Just
some minutes ago, I almost Molested a
innocent young girl. This is
So, I am writing this in
anticipation of my
funeral. If I just do not get a way to end
all of this, I will end my life.
I want to be able to say no to
p*rnography and do
without it. If I do not break free
from this inner
darkness, I will forever deny my eyes of
brightness of the sun. I want to
stop. I want to go to the Internet
and not
go near p*rnography. I want to
look at the opposite sex and not feel
I want to close my eyes and imagine
positive things instead of nude girls.
I just
want to be free.
has to be this night!

My name is johnpaul.You may be
wondering why i want to take my life
to end it all.yes,i have made up my
mind to take my life,to be free.
To be
free from everything. The pains and the
Some certain
circumstances in this world has made
me a changed person.
A changed
person on the evil side.
I am going to tell you how it all began.
My problem began the day my father
home a fourteen-inch
set, and a video
disc player that was silver
coloured. I was ten years old, about leaving
school.I was happy,knowing
that we now have a television
in our house,though my father
didn’t allow us watch the television most of
the time.
“go inside and read your
books”he always said.
I once heard kenneth whisper
to kelvin”he would soon leave
for one of his business trip.we shall see if
he will carry the
television with him”
Our father returned from a
business trip only a month ago
and everyone knew he would
soon embark on another business trip.
I wondered when
he would put and end to those
business trips of his

After dad left for his business
trips we were
already used to, the two pieces of
became Kenneth’s property.
was the first child
of the family. He knew how to
operate the TV and
VCD-player so well as though he
worked in the
factory where they were
In no time,
Kenneth and Kelvin who is also
my elder brother, started bringing
home movies which
were mostly Hollywood movies
we commonly
called “American films.”
After dinner every evening, they
would slot the
disc in and we all would sit
and watch the
pictures on the screen like faithful believers
listening to the pastor.
Kenneth, Kelvin and
Osarugue, my only elder sister,
sat on the dirty
brown sofas we had then. The rest of us
pinned our soft
buttocks to the hard floor.
But i never knew what was coming my


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